National Infertility Awareness Week
As this year progresses and we embark on our journey of "NEW," I wanted to share my story. I am always advocating and supporting our clients to help them be heard, feel beautiful and confident, but I try to keep my life more personal. Well, that is changing now. How can I ask you to trust me and share your story, if I don't share mine?
Many of you may not know this, but I have suffered with secondary infertility. We often get comments like, how, or that doesn't make sense given we have three beautiful (and crazy!) kids. But our journey to becoming parents of multiple children was not easy. I always knew I wanted multiple children and never thought I would end up in a group of amazing and strong women struggling to become pregnant, stay pregnant, and deliver a healthy baby. Well, here I am in 1in8 and 1in4. I'll never forget the failure I felt month after month of not being pregnant. We decided to turn to the professionals and trust me, it was not easy. So many diagnostic tests, some more painful than others, TONS of bloodwork and numerous doctors appointments later, I had my diagnosis. Like many other women, I suffer from PCOS. I had no idea, this was the first I was hearing of it, but I finally felt hopeful! The doctors had a plan, and I couldn't wait to start on this new journey. Eric and I met with the doctors and went over our options. Unfortunately, our health insurance barely covered anything, but we worked had to start our first IUI cycle. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous, or fearful, but I was hopeful. Things looked great! Could this be it? Did my first cycle work? The day I had my blood drawn and had to wait for the results was the longest day ever! I will never forget, I was driving and my phone rang, it was them! I anxiously answered, only to hear the words, not pregnant. My heart sank, but then I looked back and saw our oldest, and in a way I felt bad for being upset, because after all, I had him.
Eric knew my desire to have more children, so we set up another appointment with our specialist and went over how we can change up this next cycle. Due to the fact that I was diagnosed with secondary infertility, coupled with PCOS, the doctors felt that only doing one more IUI cycle would be ideal, then switching to IVF if needed. The stress going through my body at that moment was unreal followed by my brain silently going crazy with questions and thoughts. "Did she say IVF?! We can't afford IVF! What will we do? I hope this cycle works." I started on a new regimen of medications, went through more diagnostic tests and tried to remain positive. Once again, the doctor said how great things looked, then it was trigger day and I was so nervous. Praying and hoping that this would work, one because I really wanted another child and two because I didn't know how we would afford IVF. The day of the IUI came and it was a beautiful day! I tried to relax and think happy thoughts as we waited. Do you know how hard it is to wait and not take at home tests?! But I did. Blood draw day came, and I couldn't wait for the results to come. It was almost closing time, why hadn't they called?! Must be bad news again, I thought. With that, my phone rang! My numbers were good, slightly high even! I was pregnant! I couldn't believe it!
Our first ultrasound went great baby looked good, numbers were great. This was really happening! I went to my second ultrasound alone, and then we saw it, two sacs, could there be two babies?! It would make sense because my numbers were always high. One baby was slightly smaller, but there was a chance the baby could catch up. Now the wait started, and nerves began. Will baby b survive. I couldn't wait for my next ultrasound. I was anxious to see two healthy babies developing on that screen, but that was not the case. I was told it is called vanishing twin syndrome. But baby A was healthy and strong. Was I wrong for being sad that I only had one baby and not two growing inside of me? I certainly struggled with that feeling. I mean I was extremely grateful for being pregnant, but sad at the same time. I still suffered a loss, just a loss that not many people knew about or even acknowledged as a loss. As the months went by, I was able to cope with the fact we would only be having one baby, and couldn't wait for her arrival, yes I couldn't wait to find out if we would be welcoming a boy or girl. Everything seemed perfect, we would have one of each, a rich man's family as it is called.
I finally felt more complete. We were a happy family of 4. Things were great. I had come to terms with only having two children. I thought there would be no way we could get pregnant on our own again, the doctors said IVF was our next option, so the thought of actually having more children seemed like a dream. Well, that dream became a reality! We were surprised with our third child, another son. Eric and I were shocked. I couldn't believe it! A third baby, how very special. I know our journey is unique to us, and not everyone gets a happy outcome that they so wish and pray for. Every story has its struggles, and we were lucky to be blessed after heartache. I appreciate being able to share snippets of our journey. Just know, I am here to lend a listening ear if you need to vent or want to tell your story!